I miss you

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you

I don't know how many times I say it over and over In my head.

Everytime I see the silhouette of a ute coming down the road

Everytime I see the back of a tall dark head of hair

Everytime I drive anywhere in southport, the night owl, our streets

Everytime it rains and I lie awake in my bed listening

Everytime I close my eyes, it's your eyes I see, dark stormy blues

Sometimes I'm good at blocking it
And I talk like it isn't real, like I'm over you an everything is fine

But then it hits me like a truck
I fucking miss you.

the story of us

I've been writing in my book lately more than on here....
Little thoughts, little revelations...
I might just use this for lyrics and songs...
I know it's taylor swift but oh the lyrics;

 I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
 How we met and the sparks flew instantly
 People would say they're the lucky ones

 I used to know my spot was next to you
 Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat

'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on
Oh, a simple complicationMiscommunications lead to falloutSo many things that I wish you knewSo many walls up, I can't break through
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded roomAnd we're not speakingAnd I'm dying to know, is it killing youLike it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fateWhen it all broke downAnd the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
Next chapter
How'd we end up this way?See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busyAnd you're doing your best to avoid me
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of usHow I was losing my mind when I saw you hereBut you held your pride like you should have held me
Oh I'm scared to see the endingWhy are we pretending this is nothing?I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know howI've never heard silence quite this loud
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded roomAnd we're not speakingAnd I'm dying to know, is it killing youLike it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fateWhen it all broke downAnd the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
This is looking like a contestOf who can act like they care lessBut I liked it better when you were on my side
The battle's in your hands nowBut I would lay my armor downIf you'd say you'd rather love then fight
So many things that you wish I knewBut the story of us might be ending soon
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded roomAnd we're not speakingAnd I'm dying to know, is it killing youLike it's killing me
I don't know what to say since a twist of fateWhen it all broke downAnd the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy nowNow, now
And we're not speakingAnd I'm dying to know, is it killing youLike it's killing me?
And I don't know what to say since a twist of fate'Cause we're going downAnd the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now
The end

dark paradise

i let you go
i set you free
my heart it breaks in two
and i don't know where to go

all the fibres in my body scream to run back
but i'm scared, oh so scared
what if i'm wrong?
what if i don't know?

am i just being stubborn?
trying to fight our fate..
i dreamt of us
dreamt of us together
our wedding day

you looked at me through those stormy blues
you held my hand and saw everything in me
in just that moment, our future flashed before me
there was summer in the air and heaven in your eyes

i do so wish someone would point out the right direction
for i sure have no idea which way to go
i will never get over you,
will you get over me?
you're that one, the one that got away

the worst part is...
i let you go
i did this to myself
who am i to blame? but me...

baby you're my dark paradise
because no one will ever compare to you
there's no remedy for memory
and for that i am thankful
so i can always think of you and recall
and my stomach will lurch
and my head will spin
and for just a moment your lips will be on mine
before reality sets in...

Theories...

Go away give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye it'll make me wanna kiss you

Go away, come back
Go away, come back
Why can't I just have it both ways?
[pink lyrics]

I'm tearing myself
From you,
Testing a theory
To see if I miss you

This is hard
And I don't know what will happen
But I suppose soon we'll see
I just hope it doesn't hurt you more
Or me...

mini mantra

me or you?

the sad part is
that the more and more i think about this
the more it damn well hurts

but the more i think about it
i realise that i have to stand by my decision
you always told me that i was stubborn
and right now i'm going to exercise that to its full extent

and today i battle, my head or my heart
if my heart won out
i'd be back in your arms in a second
but my head knows that this wouldn't work
that me loving you isn't enough
i need you to give the same back

so this time round
unlike all the others
i'm choosing my head
because when it comes down
to you or me
i'll always come first
and in the end
i have to make sure
that i look after myself

my gut churns as i consider this
but you messed up
its your fault you lost me
and i forgive and forgive
i always forgave
i fought for us
but it was a two way battle
and i can't fight by myself

until you learn this
and i hope you do
there's nothing i can say
i can't always wait for you...

ten things i hate about you...

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me ryhme

I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry

I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

everything i've been thinking...

All i ever wanted was for you to treat me, the way I treated you, like the centre of your world. I would do anything for you, and everything I did, I did for you. I cared for you when you were sick
even if you claimed you didn't want it. Sometimes I'd surprised you, popped in when you werent expecting. I was virtually your wife at one stage, we lived together, I cooked, I cleaned, I played and hoped you'd join in on the grand facade.... I tried to look hot for you, get into games with you and keep things fun. Anything you asked, I probably would have done. And then things started to change, I can't quite put a finger on when. But you seemed to stop noticing me, you seemed to stop caring, your games were more interesting and our time together was waning.

You were my king, and all I every wanted was to be your queen. You always said I was, but how come I never felt like it? You never showed me, never proved to me, just how much you cared. A token gesture here or there doesn't quite cut it. I've had two surgeries whilst we were dating, both of them you wouldn't see me. You didn't call to see if I was ok, didn't pop in to surprise me with 'get better food', a flower or even a hug. In fact you ignored me, wouldn't have a bar of it. Do you know how much that hurt? When I loved you with my all, and I thought you felt the same. I know you hate medical and hospital things, but I kind of thought the way you claimed to feel about me would override that? How can you claim to love me like you said, but when I needed you most, you weren't there? I hoped you'd learn. That things would change... but they got worse.

On our 4 year anniversary, you lied to me. You forgot to make a booking when we'd talked about it so many times already. Then told me the restaurant was closed. Then I found out and you had no excuse. Then you never made it up to me? What am I to think of that? You got me a gift card for our 4 year... It's not about the material worth of the present. Its about the worth of it to my heart. I wouldn't have cared if you'd bought me a single flower, if I'd known you picked it yourself, and had thought about my favourite type and gone out of your way to get it... everything else wouldn't have mattered....I just wanted to see how much you even knew me? But then it got worse, you were ignoring me, constantly seemed to be angry at me. We got further and further apart. I nearly broke up with you two months ago but didn't want to, I still don't. But my own happiness and wellbeing was coming into jeopardy. Our relationship was becoming a detriment to my health because I was always sad, depressed, confused, upset and I couldn't fix it because you didn't want to.

It takes two to tango Sam, TWO. I gave you another chance, I gave you 10 days to make me fall back in love with you. 10 days to prove why I should stay, I didn't expect my own romantic comedy. I didn't expect you to write it in the sky. I just wanted to see, needed to know if you felt the same about me. I'd say you didn't... because nothing every became of it. You claimed you were always planning, said you were just trying to figure it out... I know it got harder, Uni got busier, I studied and worked more. But what did you want me to do? All I could do was throw myself harder and deeper into both lots of work and try to drown out the crying inside of me because you weren't there.

Our final weekend, I studied. I tried to see you. But you were painting war hammer all weekend. Every day, every night. You were gaming... make a little time? Just for me? You claim I had your heart, I thought I did all along. But i think you took it back a while ago... I didn't have any fight left. I'd been fighting for us for months. But I can't fight this battle alone. I needed you by my side and it felt like you were never there, or if you were it was only in words and never in heart.

On the night I broke up with you, you already saw it coming. You came in here defeated. When I told you, you asked me one question. Have you made up your mind? I had, but I wanted so badly for you to convince me otherwise. Then you asked me if it was worth trying to convince me? And I said why wouldn't you try? All I wanted was for you to fight for me. Fight for us.

But I knew deep down, that nothing was going to change. We'd be fine for a few days, maybe even a few weeks... but eventually it would all turn out the same. I hope this was for the better. Whether its you and me in the end or not. I'm finally crying as I type this. It's Sunday afternoon. I haven't cried since Wednesday night when you left. I was numb, I think I was kind of in denial. But now the tears pour freely down my face as I realise what I have done, and why I did it. It makes so much more sense now....

Maybe in the future, you will have grown up, I will have found my place in this world. And we would work together again. Sometimes i think i let go too soon, but then I remember all the reasons why, all the times you let me down and I realise. That whilst my heart is crumbling right now, what you were doing to me was worse. Because I deserve someone who loves me just as much as I love them. Who treats me right and is there when I need them. Who does something when they say they're going to. That man probably doesn't exist. And no one is perfect.... but maybe they'll try. Only problem is, I didn't want any other person, I only wanted you.

I couldn't keep hoping for you to try, I couldn't keep dreaming of you fighting for me. It was tearing me from the inside out. So I let you go, and I still love you so. But like we've always said... we'll meet a second time around.

So for now,

I'll blow a kiss goodbye, 

to you my love.

You'll always hold,

a piece of my heart.

Sam & Emma

20th April 2008 - 13th June 2012

response to your song...

today you posted life must go on - alter bridge on facebook... 
here's what i would send back...




Close your eyes, 
And just hear me sing, 
One last long goodbye, 
One last song before you spread your wings.

There's so much left to say, 
And before this moment slips away

What a wonderful life, 
For as long as you've been at my side, 
And I want you to know, 
I loved you so

The cold night calls, 
And the tears fall like rain, 
It's so hard letting go, 
Of the one thing I'll never replace

And soon you will be gone, 
But these words, they will live on

What a wonderful life, 
For as long as you've been at my side, 
And I want you to know, 
I'll miss you so, 
And though our days come to an end, 
No, I'll never love like this again, 
What a wonderful life my friend
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/alter_bridge/wonderful_life.html ]
All that I am, 
You let me be, 
I will remember you, 
For all that you've done, 
And given to me

Love will remain, 
This I can see, 
Now and forever more
Because of you, 
Now I believe
I believe

What a wonderful life, 
For as long as you've been at my side, 
And I want you to know, 
I loved you so

What a wonderful life, 
For as long as you've been at my side, 
And I want you to know, 
I'll miss you so, 
And though our days come to an end, 
No, I'll never love like this again, 
What a wonderful life
A wonderful life
What a wonderful life
What a wonderful life

And with one last embrace
As the tears fall like rain you're gone
And with one last goodbye, 
As you fade out tonight, you're gone.

wonderful life - alter bridge

subliminal messaging...

is oh so tempting... but then again some of the things i might post wouldn't be so subliminal....

just really in your face. that i still love you. i still want you. i just want you to show me.

it angers me... you make me angry. we could have had it all. we could have been amazing. why couldn't you just try? try a little bit harder? show me a little bit more? 

i need to know. i want to know. was i worth it? will you learn the error of your ways?

i'm begging you; come back and prove me wrong

before its too late...

Do you know what I do?

Every night before I fall asleep?
I look at your facebook page
I peruse old photos I have of you
Contemplate a variety of things...
Wonder if you're thinking of me
Wonder what you're doing
How you're doing...
Hope to god you aren't talking to any girls...
Then satisfied with my perusal
I turn my phone off and my lights
Roll on to my side....
and I can see you
In the dark of the night
you're looking back at me
Those stormy blues of yours
gazing back at me

And even though it's not real
It's rule #32 baby
I'm enjoying the little things..

rescue me

I wish we could go back
To the beginning
'Cause there's somethin' missing
From your eyes.

We lost a lifetime
When I disappeared,
Now I am comin'
Back to you.

I wish I could fly,
I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound
But you need a hero now.
You gotta believe
Even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me.

Summer's the season
But you're cold and freezin',
If there's a reason,
It's a lie.

When did I lose you,
I need you to pull through,
The weight of the world never felt so alive.

I wish I could fly,
I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound
But you need a hero now.
You gotta believe
Even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me.

Wish I could fly,
I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound
But you need a hero now.
You gotta believe
Even with broken wings

I wish I could fly,
I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound
But you need a hero now.
You gotta believe
Even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me.

I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me


[American Hi-Fi Lyrics]

i'll wait for you...

It started with a kiss and turned out something else.
The blood coursing through my veins I think of no one else
I never believed in much but I believe in this.
I'm incomplete without you, I'd kill to taste your kiss.

I'm lost and lonely,
Scared and hiding.
Blind without you.

When the the world comes crashing down and the skies begin to fall,
I'll wait for you
When the days grow old and long and my skins turns into stone,
I'll wait for you
When the pain it seems too much and my heart starts beating out of touch I don't need a thing,
I'll wait for you

It's all so different now, emotions burn me out.
I have a lifeless touch, this distance leaves no doubt.
I fear it all too much but part of me believes.
As the years pass away you made me recognize,

I'm lost and lonely,
Scared and hiding.
Blind without you.
When the the world comes crashing down and the skies begin to fall,
I'll wait for you
When the days grow old and long and my skins turns into stone,
I'll wait for you
When the pain it seems too much and my heart starts beating out of touch I don't need a thing,
I'll wait for you

Yeah...
'cause I'll wait for you...

When the the world comes crashing down and the skies begin to fall,
I'll wait for you
When the days grow old and long and my skins turns into stone,
I'll wait for you
When the pain it seems too much and my heart starts beating out of touch I don't need a thing.
I know I don't need a thing.
I'll wait for you.

I'm here again...

I can't believe I'm here again I broke up with you last night... I feel like you take me for granted, but something tells me You aren't the kind of guy to learn from me playing hard to get Prove me wrong? It feels like a lifetime since I felt this Like a lifetime since you once weren't mine People say it gets easier I just think I'm better at hiding it Maybe I took a leaf out of your book Maybe I've mastered switching off Somehow I dont think so... I read a quote today; "you can close your eyes when you don't want to see, but you can't close your eyes to what you don't want to feel." Johnny Depp said that, and it's oh so wise Because I miss you already And it's only been 24hours But you're not mine... Maybe, just maybe... You'll fight for me But I can't hope forever Please prove me wrong Fairy tale me, sweep me off my feet Show me. Need me. Love me. Come and get me because I will for sure Always be waiting for you.